What does “person-centered" mean?

In my practice, I identify myself as a person-centered counselor. I’ve had people ask me what that means on many occasions and I thought it would be good to blog about it as a way of getting the information out to anyone interested in my condensed version. This is not the only theoretical perspective and it is not the only perspective that has research supporting it.

The following is what it means to me to be person-centered. Many people have written books on this material. This is my attempt to distill the research available in a concise manner. My attempt to be concise may leave you with many questions. If so, please discuss it with your counselor, family and friends. You can also feel free to post questions on here but please know that I can’t guarantee anonymity if you do so.

The person-centered approach is a researched theoretical approach to counseling clearly defined by Carl Rogers (Wilkins, 2010; Ellis, 1948; Kearney, 2009). The underlying theme throughout the person-centered theory is that change is always happening. Carl Rogers states “it is our design to self-actualize” and he goes in depth about the process (Rogers, 1942; Rogers, 1951; Rogers, 1957; Rogers, 1975). The key is that it happens whether we want it or not and whether we actively participate in it or not.

~If change is going to happen regardless of our desire, should we participate actively in how and what changes occur?

The person-centered approach to counseling suggests six guiding elements called necessary and sufficient conditions by Carl Rogers (1957:96). Those conditions are:

1. Two persons are in psychological contact.
2. The first, whom we shall term the client, is in a state of incongruence, being vulnerable or anxious.
3. The second person, whom we shall term the therapist, is congruent or integrated in the relationship.
4. The therapist experiences unconditional positive regard for the client.
5. The therapist experiences an empathic understanding of the client’s internal frame of reference and endeavours to communicate this experience to the client.
6. The communication to the client of the therapist’s empathic understanding and unconditional positive regard is to a minimal degree achieved.

If all these elements are present, there is evidence that significant and positive change will occur in the client (Stiles, Barkham, Twigg, Mellor-Clark & Cooper, 2006). If you are anything like me, you make question what “significant and positive” means. In counseling language, significant is based on statistical significance. This means a person is statistically a number of percentage points more likely to be happy, fulfilled and content if they have a relationship with a counselor as described above. Positive change is a measure of how a person perceives their life before and after a therapeutic relationship that contains the six elements Carl Rogers described. I view this as the more subtle, but not less important, perspective of viewing the world from a half full perspective as apposed to a half empty one.

~Can seeing the world from an optimistic perspective make a person happier?

Yes. There is an entire category of psychology called positive psychology. I’m not going to go in depth with this right now but it is important to know that the research supports the idea that thinking positive matters immensely.

~okay, you gave us the components but now what?

You’ll notice the first thing on the list is the necessity of a relationship. As a professional counselor, I take this to mean I have to be authentic in the relationship. For example, I can’t expect a client to work on the things that brought them in unless I too am willing to be attentive to and work on things in my personal life. It’s a way of life, not just a cool idea.
The second and third components assume that brokenness is part of each and every person and health is also a part of each and every person. If we work with the assumption that we all have brokenness and we all require relationships with others, then the difference between relationships that improve our well being(are healthy) and those that harm our well being(are unhealthy) is simply the judgment to know what information to share and what to withhold for the sake of the other person. In this way, a counselor must be aware of and filter personal influences that may negatively influence the relationship while the client must attempt to be honest with the counselor or risk slow progress or stagnation.

The fourth component of unconditional positive regard is how a person-centered therapist maintains the attitude that “I am in this with you no matter what”. To be in a relationship with someone who is “in it no matter what” builds trust and encourages the growth process. Having unconditional positive regard does not imply taking on every relationship. Sometimes unconditional positive regard means handing off a relationship to a person more capable of working with the person where they are. That’s why I am willing to refer people to other counselors when my skills don’t match up with a client’s needs.

More and more research is being done that shows the importance of empathy in relationships. For our purposes at this time, we won’t go into a lot of depth. However, I think it’s essential to know that empathy is a set of skills that can be learned and improved. There are many techniques that can be taught to even the most rigid or chaotic people that will project the sense of togetherness. I may go into more depth about empathy in another blog.
The final component is all up to the client or the person who wants to improve their life. The ability to receive empathy and unconditional positive regard (trust) takes a willingness to admit areas of weakness and areas of strength. As the relationship grows and points out such areas, clients often feel a desire to avoid the growth because it hurts. Maintaining a positive direction is not easy and can only be encouraged. It is still up to each of us to stay focused on our progress and growth. The pain is part of the process.

The reason I choose to call myself a person-centered counselor is because it fits me and I fit it. I see it as a way of living as much as a theory because it applies to all relationships whether personal or professional. If you are interested in learning more about the details of a person-centered approach, I provide a few resources below. The Wilkins book called Person-centered therapy is one of my favorite because it has historical perspective as well as current research.

Ellis, A. (1948). A critique of the theoretical contributions of non-directive therapy. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 4(3), 248-255.

Kearney, J. (2009). Rogerian principles and the writing classroom: A history of intention and (mis)interpretation. Rhetoric Review, 28(2), 167-184. doi:10.1080/07350190902740034

Rogers, C.R. (1942). Counseling and psychotherapy. Boston: Houghton-Mifflin.

Rogers, C.R. (1951). Client-centered therapy: Its current practice, implications, and theory. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company.

Rogers, C.R. (1957). The necessary and sufficient conditions of therapeutic personality change. Journal of Consulting Psychology, 21, 95-103.

Rogers, C.R. (1975). Empathic: An unappreciated way of being. The Counseling Psychologist, 5(2), 2-11.

Stiles, W., Barkham, M., Twigg, E., Mellor-Clark, J. & Cooper, M. (2006). Effectiveness of cognitive-bahvioural, person-centered, and psychodynamic therapies as practiced in UK National Health Service settings. Psychological Medicine, 36, 555-566.

Wilkins, P. (2010). Person-centered therapy: 100 key points. New York, NY: Routledge Taylor and Francis Group.

Unspoken Rules

Every system has rules. In most cases, the rules are verbalized, written or communicated in some clear fashion. However, every system has rules that are more obscure, making them hard to clearly identify. I refer to these as “unspoken rules”.

In most cases, everyone in the system knows there is some kind of a force acting on them but they may struggle to identify the force when they are dealing with unspoken rules.

Example:
Amy and Ben have been married for 20 years. Ben openly verbalizes his disapproval when he doesn’t agree with something. Amy is much more discrete. They have three children in the home. The oldest is a 14 year old boy. There is also a 12 year old boy and an 8 year old girl. Ben has never been abusive to any of the children or to Amy, but all the children are careful not to “make dad mad”. Ben and Amy both know the sentiment of the children and have different views about it. Ben and Amy recently decided to see a counselor because they can’t agree on how to raise the children anymore. Amy struggles to get compliance and Ben gets compliance without difficulty, often without even having to ask for it. Ben feels like Amy should be sterner with the children and Amy feels like Ben is too tough on the children.


There are an infinite number of things going on this family. You may think Ben is emotionally abusive or that Amy is a passive, weak mom. As a counselor, I’m not looking for right and wrong. Instead, I’m looking for incongruence. Where actions don’t match up with desires, there are often “unspoken rules”. Will there be things I agree with and disagree with in family systems like this? Sure. However, I don’t believe it’s my place to point out my beliefs because it would make me part of the system. The only exceptions are areas of legality. In some areas we have legal definitions of wrong, such as physical abuse. I’m always assessing legal situations throughout the counseling relationship.

In the example above, it’s pretty likely that Ben views his response from his children as a mutual understanding. Amy’s view might be that Ben uses fear based leadership to get the children to do things that make him comfortable. Somewhere in the gap is a rule that may or may not be fully understood by Ben and Amy. For the purpose of changing the focus of what may be viewed as the blame game, I would like to suggest that the 14 year old boy may have figured out the Mom and Dad don’t talk to each other about the children enough. This might suggest the possibility that Ben and Amy can be manipulated if they are pitted against each other. This isn’t to say the 14 year old is a bad kid. The system allows for him to get what he wants in this way. The unspoken rule may be “blame someone else”, or “don’t make Ben mad”. It could also be “Amy is a softy when Ben is pointed to as a mean man”, or “it’s us against the parents”. The list of unspoken rules could go on and on.

You may be wondering how to identify which rule it is. The truth is, it doesn’t really matter at the beginning. I take a guess and ask if it sounds like something that is going on in the home. The clients will assess whether it is one of their rules or not. An interesting thing happens when an unspoken rule is identified. Usually, one or more members of the family have a feeling that it makes sense and they hold on to the rule for a while and, possibly, test it out. Over time, they are usually able to verbalize the, previously, unspoken rule. Once the rule is verbalized, the family can decide how much power the rule holds in the home. Essentially, my goal is still the same as you may have seen on my web page. I am here to help create insightful opportunities. You can look at the blog about Johari’s Window for a clear perspective on what I’m trying to achieve as a counselor.

This blog, however, is intended to help us remember that we have unspoken rules in our systems and that those rules impact everyone in the system, whether it’s in a good way or a way that complicates things. What are the unspoken rules in your family? What about your family of origin (where you were raised)? What are the unspoken rules between you and your spouse or girlfriend? Ask yourself some of theses questions. They won’t be easy to answer. You’ll have to think about them and possibly talk to others about them. You may reflect on old journal entries and notice that there was a rule you always followed but never knew. Whatever the case might be, identifying the rules we conform to is a valuable piece to taking control of our lives. Once we know the rules our systems adhere to, we can decide to use them purposefully rather than having them “happen to us”.