Have you ever wondered how others see you?

In the 1950’s Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham created a model of mapping personality awareness called the Johari Window. The idea was to create opportunities for improved awareness and therefore opportunities for personal growth. Like Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham, I believe personal insight is a key piece to becoming who we want to be.

So, what is Johari’s window? The first image below is for all of you who are more visual and the second image will tie it all together. Johari’s Window takes into account the perspective from an individual and from people around that individual. You’ll see it described as “self” and “others”. The second image describes the visibility from the self and from the other. You’ll see that each person can only see part way across the box. For example, we have “blind spots” that others can see but we can’t and we have an “unknown” section that no one can see, including ourselves. The “façade” section is the section that we choose to keep from others and I will refer to it as secrets.

Now it gets interesting. Through insight, I believe we can gain control over the impacts of our blind spots, the unknown, the façade (secrets) and the things we project in the open arena. For example, there are times in our lives when we keep secrets and it’s healthy. There are also times when we keep secrets and it’s unhealthy. Knowing the difference between when it is healthy and when it is unhealthy is very important. I was recently asked what kind of things would fall in the “façade” box that would be healthy. I responded by discussing importance of openly sharing details of previous relationships with a current partner. You may have dated someone in the past that shared too many details about other relationships. It can be annoying, hurtful, or just a waste of time to have all that detail. What matters most is who you are now and therefore some of the details are not necessary and can be kept secret. It’s often best to weigh the benefits and risks of each specific situation. As you might quickly see, there are many risks to keeping secrets. For example, if a man or woman cheats on their partner should they keep it secret? People who cheat on their partners have many things going on that need to be dealt with and it quickly becomes very complex. Therefore, each situation should be dealt with on an individual basis. Your counselor would become a great asset in discussing how and when disclosure should happen or if it shouldn’t happen. Through insight, possibly by use of the Johari’s Window, our actions become more intentional which makes mistakes less likely.

On a side note, I’ve modified Johari’s Window below to show an example of what I think happens as we learn about ourselves and consider other’s perspectives along with our own in making personal changes. Though the process of getting to this point can be long and difficult, notice the reduced risks associated with the long term work. The blind spots shrink, the secrets diminish and the unknown becomes discoverable.

Is there value in going to a counselor? If so, what is it?

Welcome!
I have thought for a long time about what I should post as my first blog. I hope the days, weeks, months and possibly years of posts to come are helpful in providing hope and insightfullness. We all experience difficult times and need voices of strength and wisdom. I hope to be a source of strength and wisdom for people. I won't always get it right but as part of my journey I will attempt to learn from all of my opportunities, whether good or bad.

My first post...
I would be in the wrong profession if I didn’t believe what I do matters. So, my answer is YES. Counseling has value and lots of it. It’s my opinion that most people don’t need consistent and long term counseling. However, almost everyone I know, or have come in contact with, would benefit from having a counseling relationship that they can go to when things in their life are particularly challenging. I can tell you that one of my goals with clients is to get them to a place where they no longer need me. This isn’t to say they won’t need to come back down the road, but I believe I should not be the source of a person’s strength because that strength should, ultimately, come from within them.
As a counselor intern I have noticed that people don’t normally establish counseling relationships when things are going well in their life. Though it makes sense financially and for the sake of time not to see a counselor when our lives are generally healthy, there are two reasons that I believe it is important to establish a relationship when we are in good health.
1) The client will be more selective
2) The counselor will have a chance to know the client
I believe a client in good health is better suited to ending a relationship with a counselor who is not a good match. The question I thought about was, “Do people make more rational decisions when they are in a good place or when they are struggling with things?” I think most people would say they make better decisions when they feel healthy, not necessarily stress free but healthy. In physics there is a great tangible example found in Newton’s first law of motion. It says an object in motion stays in motion until an object of greater force acts upon that object. In people terms, this describes the momentum of the good getting better and the bad getting worse until there is some sort of “shock” to the individual’s path.
Another reason I think a client should seek counseling when they are feeling like things are going well is because it gives the counselor a baseline of what the client views as healthy. I, personally, would love to have a frame of reference of what a client is like when they view themselves as healthy. I can think of several advantages to having this knowledge. For example, it would make it much easier to identify where the client is in the process of healing and growth. It would likely make it hard for a client to fall as deep into things like depression, anxiety, hopelessness, etc. In a literal example, a client would be able to say something like, “You know this isn’t like me. I don’t know why I’m feeling [depressed, anxious, exhausted, scared, nervous, etc.].” The response would likely be a more accurate form of empathy because the counselor would know what is being said to be factual and not a different symptom. Thus the speed of the healing process would be exponentially increased or the depth of the symptoms would be lessened.
With all this said, I believe it’s essential for a person in the middle of life’s struggles to get connected and a counselor is a great connection. It’s my belief that as part of the human specie, we are relational beings and our mental health improves through healthy relationships such as those a client should have with a counselor. So as a concluding statement, I would encourage everyone to find a counselor they can connect well with. Who knows when life’s challenges will get to be too much to deal with alone? Get prepared. Find a good counselor.