Have you ever wondered how others see you?

In the 1950’s Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham created a model of mapping personality awareness called the Johari Window. The idea was to create opportunities for improved awareness and therefore opportunities for personal growth. Like Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham, I believe personal insight is a key piece to becoming who we want to be.

So, what is Johari’s window? The first image below is for all of you who are more visual and the second image will tie it all together. Johari’s Window takes into account the perspective from an individual and from people around that individual. You’ll see it described as “self” and “others”. The second image describes the visibility from the self and from the other. You’ll see that each person can only see part way across the box. For example, we have “blind spots” that others can see but we can’t and we have an “unknown” section that no one can see, including ourselves. The “façade” section is the section that we choose to keep from others and I will refer to it as secrets.

Now it gets interesting. Through insight, I believe we can gain control over the impacts of our blind spots, the unknown, the façade (secrets) and the things we project in the open arena. For example, there are times in our lives when we keep secrets and it’s healthy. There are also times when we keep secrets and it’s unhealthy. Knowing the difference between when it is healthy and when it is unhealthy is very important. I was recently asked what kind of things would fall in the “façade” box that would be healthy. I responded by discussing importance of openly sharing details of previous relationships with a current partner. You may have dated someone in the past that shared too many details about other relationships. It can be annoying, hurtful, or just a waste of time to have all that detail. What matters most is who you are now and therefore some of the details are not necessary and can be kept secret. It’s often best to weigh the benefits and risks of each specific situation. As you might quickly see, there are many risks to keeping secrets. For example, if a man or woman cheats on their partner should they keep it secret? People who cheat on their partners have many things going on that need to be dealt with and it quickly becomes very complex. Therefore, each situation should be dealt with on an individual basis. Your counselor would become a great asset in discussing how and when disclosure should happen or if it shouldn’t happen. Through insight, possibly by use of the Johari’s Window, our actions become more intentional which makes mistakes less likely.

On a side note, I’ve modified Johari’s Window below to show an example of what I think happens as we learn about ourselves and consider other’s perspectives along with our own in making personal changes. Though the process of getting to this point can be long and difficult, notice the reduced risks associated with the long term work. The blind spots shrink, the secrets diminish and the unknown becomes discoverable.